Every year the members of The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences vote on what they think is the best picture of the year, and nearly every year they pick some sappy, corny-as-hell, god-awful piece of shit. There are lots of great articles out there pointing out the Academy voters’ dumbest pics in general, but I’m going to be focusing on the Best Picture category. Let’s take a look at their worst, most egregious mistakes in their long history:
Here we are at the end of 2009, and the film industry is boasting its most profitable year ever. And while I’m sure we’re all happy that Paul Blart: Mall Cop made nearly $150 million, I’d like to take this chance to look back to ten years ago, when I believe there was a renaissance in film. 1999 is by far my favorite year in movies, and I’m not the first to point out that it contains an unusually large number of stellar films as well as more than its fair share of masterpieces. What follows is my own personal list of ’99 films that I felt worthy of highlighting. Most of them I own or have seen multiple times, although there are a few I’ve never seen. Some I don’t even like and are included purely for their reputation, good or bad, the point being that yes – amazingly – ALL of these movies came out in the same year. As you peruse the list, make note of the titles you haven’t seen – I urge you seek out all of the lesser-known films.
When the Wii first came out, I had very high hopes. I had hoped that the Wii-mote would make a great FPS controller and revolutionize First-Person Shooters. I had assumed that within a year or two third-party developers would have plenty of great games out for it. I had assumed that Nintendo would stick to its promise to not abandon the regular gamers who have stayed loyal all these years.
HOLY FUCK was I wrong.
Nintendo has changed their tune big time. I’m sorry to say the Wii sucks. All 3 main consoles have their problems, but the number of disappointments and problems with the Wii has made it the Black Eyed Peas of the group – inexplicably popular. Let me give you an example. This is how Nintendo used to sell games:
Now, this is how they sell games:
Two years ago Nintendo was riding high: despite all expectations, the Wii was a smash hit, outsold Microsoft and Sony, and today they STILL can’t keep them in stores. They took a big risk on the Wii, and that gamble paid off in a big way. But now, they seem to be making all the wrong moves, and Nintendo is well on its way to fucking up everything again.
It’s been two years, and I think I’m now in the position to say just how the Wii stacks up: IT FUCKING BLOWS. Here’s why:
Long-Time viewers of The Daily Show may remember that the now-hugely-popular sister show The Colbert Report actually started as a series of fake promos featuring Stephen directly parodying The O’Reilly Factor way back in late 2003. The following year, Comedy Central finally decided to build on The Daily Show and create a spin-off. The producers, Jon Stewart and Ben Karlin, got together with Colbert and tried to come up with a show. Stephen would later go on to say that they couldn’t “think of a better idea than those bumbers, so let’s just make that real.” ‘Bumpers’, refering to the promo bumpers they had already created. They pitched the show to the network, and the idea was green-lit without creating a pilot. Soon after, the show became one of the network’s biggest hits. Now that Comedy Central has archived the entire Daily Show series online, you can view all of the original fake promo bumpers for what would become the real show:
Tomorrow Barack Obama will announce his choice for Vice President. Now, while a lot of speculation has been made as to his choice, most have been stupidly obvious guesses, like an old white guy politician. What people don’t realize is that Obama is a maverick. He’s running a campaign unlike any other before him. He’s not going to settle for anything less than the absolute best running mate ever in the history of mankind. And with that in mind, I present to you my predictions for Barack’s pick:
10. Optimus Prime
If you’re going for leadership, the only one who comes close to Obama is Optimus Prime. He has fearlessly led the Autobots in their endless war against the evil Decepticons for about 80 million years. Despite being an alien artificial life-form from outer-space, he’s all American – Just check out his color scheme. How can you not vote for these guys for president? He also happens to be 10 stories tall. Who’s gonna cross you in hostile negotiations when you have a gigantic fucking robot behind you? NO ONE, that’s who.
The HD format war is over and Blu-ray won. Mark my words. Over. Done. Finished. May 1st, 2007 was the day of the deciding battle, it was waged far and long into the night, and in the morning a clear winner emerged. Of course, we the lowly public are only just now arriving in the position to make such a judgment, but the ‘masters of the universe’ so to speak, the corporate executives in the position to make the real influential decisions, they knew right away. HD-DVD was dead and Blu-ray is the format that will dominate the foreseeable future. Oh, sure there are more battles to be waged, but like Gettysburg or Normandy before it, the deciding battle has already been fought, and in the aftermath, while the pawns reveled in their triumph, the true generals in the war knew the truth: If they knew what would come of this, they would not be cheering.
This is numero uno because the cropping of films is probably the worst plague in the world of cinema. An entire generation was denied the glory of widescreen; deceived even, into a false box of 4:3 damnation. If you think I’m exaggerating, consider this: Stanley Kubrick, the greatest filmmaker to ever live, after the advent of home video, never shot another film in widescreen ever again. Knowing that posterity, and thus the vast majority would view his film at home, he simply could not bear to see his meticulously crafted frame cropped ex post facto. Oh, if only he had lived to see the rise of widescreen home video.
If you think I’m crazy, try this little experiment:
Although this is pretty rare nowadays, it was absolutely rampant in the early days of DVD. But since those releases were just to launch the format, is it forgivable? But shouldn’t the studios put out the highest quality releases at the launch of a new format? The real blasphemy is never releasing a nice feature-filled edition. Sure, some movies just don’t have any thing available for extras, but that doesn’t mean they can’t make it a nice edition. If it’s gonna just have the film, then don’t make me pay anything over $12 bucks.
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